Another HCC

OK, first order of business...what is she reclining upon? Is that a bed? A futon? A blanket on the floor? A couch? I'm going with futon. Just because.

Furthermore, is that a red towel she's wearing, or a very small dress that's falling apart? I'm going with towel.

I like the details on this cover. I don't know why the pillows are that pattern, but I'm hoping it's because they're described in the book that way. I also love the phone, the wads of cash, the gun, the kitten heels. Oh, and the martini glass she's holding over the edge of the futon.

I'm unsure why she's lying in such an odd position. That doesn't look very comfortable. I also like the simplicity of the title and tagline. "She was born bad." It's simple, it doesn't give too much away. It makes me curious about this blackmailer.

Also, I majorly dig the color of her hair. It's not just plain brown, it's got a little red in it, just enough red. Sexy.

Her boobs are looking a little ridiculous, though. It looks like she's wearing that towel WAY too tight. It looks painful.

Written by the author of "The Seven-Year Itch"?! I love that movie! (I should read the original). (I like Marilyn Monroe movies. Yeah, laugh at me. "Some Like It Hot" is the best, though. But I digress.) I kind of want to read this book.

Anyway, leave me some comments, I love reading them! I'll be back soon!

Burn, Baby, Burn (Disco Inferno!)

Well, that Sherlock Holmes movie just came out (which I haven't seen...not sure I want to, thoughts? I have a slight distaste toward Robert Downey, Jr....what do you think?) Anyhoo, I was in a Hard Case Crime mood (their covers are delightful, yet snarkable at the same time), and I magically found this one. Enjoy.

She looks like she just realized that after she died, she didn't make it to heaven. Doesn't it look like she just entered the gates of hell? The Valley of Fear looks suspiciously like the underworld. Do people go to hell in their fanciest lingerie?

"ZOMG Muscles!" Actually, she doesn't even appear to be checking out the guns...she's looking over the arm, past Biceps.

I totally chuckled at "They All Answered to...The BODYMASTER". They take the Bodymaster seriously. You do not screw around with the Bodymaster.

I wonder how much that rack of hers cost. They're so ROUND!

I wonder which one of them is the Bodymaster. I'm guessing Biceps is, because she looks kind of scared and submissive. Her facial expression and what Rex Parker would call her "fear hands" look kind of fake to me. Her eyes. So lifeless.



I have more Hard Case Crime goodness on the way (HCC and Harlequin are pretty much my default when I'm lazy and need a good snarkable cover). So, stay tuned for the goodness!

More Harry Potter Goodness!

Yay! It's time for Part 3 of my Harry Potter cover comparison series. You can check out my previous comparisons between the American and UK covers here and here.

And away we go...

What's up with this cover:
As much as I love Buckbeak, he's not my favorite part of this cover. What I do totally love is that silhouette in the window. I forget who that's supposed to be, but whoever it is, it's just cool. (Please tell me if you know.) Also, Buckbeak looks uberly cartoonish on this cover. Also, Prisoner of Azkaban was my favorite book of the series.

What I'd like to see:
Dementors! Those things are so creepy, but I love it.

What's up with this cover:
Umm, it's almost the exact same cover as the American one. Except less cartoonish. And in front of a full moon. Buckbeak does look less like a doofus on this cover. I guess everyone thought that Buckbeak was an important part of the book. He does kind of save some asses.

What I'd like to see:
The Shrieking Shack! Who's with me?

What's up with this cover:
I love these more adult covers, because so far, they've all shown something that's the actual title of the book. The first one showed the Philosopher's Stone, the second showed the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets, and this one shows Azkaban. It's beautiful, and almost a little fairy-tale-ish, but the dark gray sky and the dark waters make it look awesome.

What I'd like to see:
Hermione's Time Turner. :)


I can't wait to read all your comments, I love seeing what you guys think of these Harry Potter covers!!!

Horseclans

1. Eeeeeeewwwwwwww....

2. That is not natural. Whose muscles look like that?! Nobody's. And they shouldn't. At all. Ever. Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.

3. Horseclans?

4. That is the most apocalyptic horse I've ever seen. He looks like he's ready to get ALL up in someone's kool aid.

5. I think they're in the place the hyenas lived in the Lion King.

6. Is having a spear in one hand and a dagger in the other really going to be helpful? I mean, is he so insecure that he needs not one, but two phallic weapons?

7. His BACK! Look at his back! And the green dude's LEG. UGH. So grotesque! Seriously, if anyone finds this attractive in any way, please let me know so I may get you the help you need.

Today I'm going to whine about something that has always bothered me (and I may have whined about it in the past, but...ooohh well). What I'm referring to is the phenomenon of native American romance novel covers where the native looks kind of...well, caucasian.

Before I get into it, I'm sure Jami will call me out on this (out of love), so here's my disclaimer: I'm not trying to judge or stereotype native Americans, I'm just saying, what's WRONG with actually having them look like people picture them? I happen to like the "stereotypical" native American look - I think the angular, chiseled features that a lot of people associate with native American people is beautiful! And totally sexy on a guy.

So, I apologize if I offend anyone, that is not my intention, and please tell me if I'm wrong. I just think it's annoying that white people expect everyone to look like them. So, here I go with the snarking.

This is what I'm talking about. Giving a guy long black hair and a tan does not make him look native. Nor does putting him in a loin cloth with a band around his head. And why is he so hairless? Did he smuggle in a box of wax somehow? Also, I get the strange feeling they painted in between his ab muscles to make his six pack stand out more.


Here we have the reverse - a Pocahontas-type situation. She looks like the snotty chick that sits next to me in class, right after she's had a fresh mystic tan. Come, now, people. Surely you can find someone better than that. At least in the movies, they make people look...





GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a Winner! Etc.

Ohhh my goodness, guys, I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to post. I just started school and had a ludicrous amount of homework and stuff.

Anyway, before we get into the cover snarking business, I'd like to point out that I have been given an award! Katy at A Few More Pages has listed Cover Junkie as one of the blogs she enjoys for being "interesting and honest" (her words, go check it out by following her link).

I just wanted to take a minute to mention that, and thank you, Katy, for the honor!!!




And now, for the snarky fun....


Some of you may have seen this cover in your local bookstore, and if you haven't, seeing it on here may make you die a little inside. Yes, that is Wuthering Heights, a piece of classic literature by Emily Bronte, with a Twilight-esque cover. Not only is the cover all Twilight-y, but it has this little stamp that says "Bella and Edward's Favourite Book".

In case the reality of this has not filtered through that little blue bonnet of yours, let me say that in another way: they're advertising Twilight on the cover of a completely unrelated book. Seriously?! Ms. Bronte would not be at fault were she to rise from the grave and haunt Stephanie Meyer forevermore. Do people think that just because she happened to casually mention WH in the book, that it's okay to exploit WH for the sake of pimping Twilight?!

If you can't tell, I'm more than a little disgusted.

(On a sidenote, I tried to read WH once, but it was too depressing for me to finish. However, I am still disturbed by this.)

Aaaanyway, some simple covers are totally awesome (see last post regarding Harry Potter), but some, when they make no sense, and DON'T EVEN BELONG ON THE BOOK, are really stupid.

What are your thoughts on the cover, kids?

Okay, in case anyone is new to CoverJunkie, I'll explain. I'm doing a series comparing the Harry Potter covers in America and the UK. Here's the first one, if you missed it. So, away we go...


What's up with this cover:
We've all probably seen the American cover. I really liked this second book in the series because of all the creepy snake talking. I'm also a fan of hidden rooms. I also like that Dumbledore's phoenix, Fawkes, is depicted, because although he was only briefly in the story, he totally saved everyone's asses. I also like the blood-red writing that makes up the title. It fits the book.

What I'd like to see on this cover:
It pretty much goes without saying that Dobby needs to be on this cover. One slightly less obvious choice would be one of my favorite characters in the book, Moaning Myrtle, the pathetic female ghost that haunts the ladies' room.

What's up with this cover:
What I like about the UK covers is that they really play up the fantasy element of these books. I mean, yes, the Weasleys' flying car is not a big part of the story, nor is it an important part, but it's one of the cooler parts. The UK covers also seem to depict a link in Harry's life between the muggle world and the wizard world. Ron steals his dad's car to rescue Harry from his cruel muggle aunt and uncle, and his obese and spoiled cousin. Also, Hedwig is really cute on this cover. And I love how you can see the tiny Hogwarts Express below them.

What I'd like to see:
The twins! They were in the car to assist in Harry's rescue mission, why aren't they in there on the cover? They need to be there. Also, I would LOVE to have seen The Burrow, the Weasleys' home. Did anyone else think The Burrow was one of the coolest places in the book? Not only does the reader love it, but Harry totally considers it his second home (in fact, he considers it home more than he does his real home). I want to see The Burrow, and I want to see it now. Also, aside from the fact that the Weasleys are just awesome, they're redheads. Oh, shush, you knew that was coming.


What's up with this cover:
Holy crap. This cover is awesome. I'm starting to think that these "grown-up" covers are my favorite versions of the covers. How is that not totally badass?!
These covers are awesome, because they take a small, but hugely important, and totally badass part of the story, and put it on the cover. It's simple, it's dark and a tiny bit creepy, but beautiful. What better thing to put on the cover for the Chamber of Secrets than the entrance to the chamber? I also love the detail, the glowing green eyes of the snakes. I love it.

What I'd like to see:
I can't think of anything. It's pretty awesome all on it's own. I mean, they could have shown Ginny, from the back, possessed by Voldemort, opening the chamber, and then I would have gotten a redhead, too, but I really think this cover is great as it is.



Well, that's it for the second Harry Potter book. Keep checking back for the third one, I'll probably do that one a few posts from now.

Thanks to Jami, who faithfully reads my blog and sends me tons of fabulous covers to snark on, and who requested this Harry Potter business.